Best Man Check List

1. The right dudes: The bachelor party is the responsibility of the Best Man, but even a guy’s closest buddy may not know that his long lost cousin Ernie will be in town for the wedding. It’s important to assemble all the men (and in this day and age, even some of the women) who matter most to the groom for his big adieu. Don’t assume you know who everyone is; guarantee this by asking the groom to provide you with a list, including names, emails, phone numbers. Invite everyone as early as possible, remind them weekly, with updates and confirmed attendees so that nobody is surprised when they have to deal with some asshole they don’t like as much as the groom does.

2. Good booze: Ideally, this party will only happen once per fellow, and it’s a right and proper thing to toast his success with the new missus with quality hooch, at least one glass, even if the bridegroom loves his cheap swill over fine champagne. Good suggestions include rare whiskey, vintage vino, good cognac, expensive sake. And for the love of god, go slow on that stuff if you want it to be a long party because nothing will suck so much as anyone/everyone getting too shitfaced too early to drive it into the wee hours.

3. A really fine meal: Leave the six foot subway sammiches to the dogs, you’re out for a special, memorable experience. Make a reservation at a five star joint and let them know in advance that this will be a very important occasion. They’ll be flattered that you chose their establishment and they will bend over backwards to impress you. Consider arranging a prix fix menu du jour with the chef involving three or more courses so that everyone knows what they’re in for and any special diets can be accommodated; this way you can also pre-arrange your budget. In parties of six or more it is customary to include the gratuity in the bill, but it doesn’t hurt to ask when making the call. If they prefer this arrangement, ask that it be set at 20%. Also - it will be the Best Man’s sole responsibility to tip the maître d’ separately. Don’t chintz out on this, you’ll get exceptional service as a result, from soup to nuts.

4. Look sharp: There’s a time to skitkickers and blue jeans, and there’s a time for your nattiest spitpolish and shine. Which one do you suppose this event is? There are plenty of reasons to get slicked up for a bachelor party, not the least of which is the respect it fosters within members outside of the group for the party. Moreover, being well-dressed somehow forces us to be on our best behavior as gentlemen, and to act with respect both for ourselves and each other. More and more of us are getting married later and later; after the college years there’s no excuse for not being able to pull off a class act upon demand. Here’s a gorgeous opportunity to show off some style and refinement.

5. Bring lots of money: Nothing brings the fun to a halt like having to find an ATM or pooling resources to pay off the bill. Plan accordingly! This also translates into the obvious that if the collected group is financially compromised, you may have to cut corners where possible, such as throwing the party at a private residence and taking up funds in advance to stock the food and booze accordingly. It doesn’t mean that the soirée need suck by comparison, as ultimately, the party is only as much fun as the members who comprise it.

6. Schedule it well before the nuptials One obvious tip that still needs mentioning is to hold this a good week or so prior to the wedding! Who the hell wants any of you, least of all the groom, to show up to the chapel stinking of bordellos and booze?

7. Non-novelty gifts: Here’s what separates the men from the gentlemen. If you’re in the wedding party, or close enough to the groom to really matter, it’s an increasingly popular tradition to present him with a manly gift of quality upon the eve of his marriage. It can be a small token of your esteem or just a gesture of goodwill and good fortune. Common examples include a nice set of cufflinks, some collar stays, a tie pin, a boutonnière pin in a precious metal, a nice watch. Offbeat but interesting gifts could include some really sharp sunglasses, a great pair of shoes, a bottle of something very nice for a private occasion with the bride, even a really fine set of PJ’s or a smoking jacket.

An interesting choice might be something to hold on to that symbolizes his spirit and his individuality before marriage. I once heard of a groom receiving a tricked-out skateboard from a pal who wanted to make sure that he never forgot the passion of his youth.

8. Strippers/dancers/sexy female friends: A lot of folks who take their party in a residence will arrange for some dancers to come out for a private show. In these cases expect there to be a beefy dude waiting in a car outside or, as often as not, he’ll come in and watch from a removed distance. (I did that on the side for several years.) It’s worth throwing him a $20 to set him at ease and let him know that he can relax, as his women are clearly with a respectful group; it’ll also send the dancers the same message, and your gang will almost certainly get a better show. Tip like money is going out of style in any case; the very act of tipping makes us feel good.

Conversely, it’s common for arrangements to be made with female friends of the best man, or even old girlfriends to come and send the groom off with a personal touch (that may or may not be a pun). She/they show up at the bar/restaurant/home where your event is going down, and spend a few drinks’ worth of time making the poor fellow feel uncomfortably aroused and teased and embarrassed, much to the delight of his fellow men. Be very careful with this option! This is one great way to get your boy in dutch with the bride if she finds out/is sensitive about such things.